October 2010
1 post
i hate that you don’t even care, and you’re tearing me up. give me a sign or give me up.
February 2010
5 posts
booklist
looking for alaska
wilderness skills
scar night
emily dickenson
le petit prince
the screwtape letters
a fairwell to arms
a clockwork orange
its like a game of how deep you can go.
i can’t cut deep any more.
stomach full of butterflies, today is strange. to. day. the syntax of words and how things fit together, not quite perfectly. its like being on a roller coaster, this motion sickness, except i can’t see quite where the drops are. my hands, shaking, just like when i had taken those pills.
January 2010
4 posts
I’m starting to fall in love with myself again.
do you ever look at pictures of past lovers, feel sorry and wonder why you ever let them go? you wonder, could it have been something more. look how happy they seem and think, maybe you could have been there happy with them?
the worst part is when you’re alone. when you’re left sitting while the dust settles, the silence overwhelms you. and your mind can’t help but repeating...
goddamn, this fucking hurts.
its like a constant buzzing in your ear, like a fly that is always there, and you wish for it to go away. this dull stabbing pain that runs from my stomach to my chest, constricting, breaking. it caves in on itself, as if a black hole replaced the cavity, but i still feel. how could i feel so much anger and hatred towards you, and yet love you at the same time? you said that you hated her, but if...
and even though my eyes are closed, the image floats behind my eyelids, haunting and beautiful. horrifying. her lips are red like over ripe cherries, a seductress, and she beckons you. who could resist a taste of sweet fruit when man could not even resist the taste of the fruit of death. hazed, you smile at her, and forget my name, intoxicated, oblivious. she is the devils own, and you, you play...
November 2009
1 post
Just close your eyes, and breathe, and breathe and breathe.
Everything will be alright, they promise, and just let things go. But I can’t help hold on to all of the little things that shouldn’t matter. So I tell myself over and over again, yet it doesn’t seem to do a thing. Ruminating over the ridiculous inconsequestional, or perhaps, truly the big things. And I’d love to...
October 2009
2 posts
I’m really sad because I didn’t win. This is the problem with me, I take everything to personally, and I am broken down so easily.
September 2009
1 post
all I really want to do is love you.
I know I’m a freak. and thats okay. because sometimes i confuse myself and sometimes I don’t know what I want. and sometimes, sometimes, it hurts too much that I turn to anything to ease the pain. and i do what I say I wont, and I break my promises, and I regret things that I do, and I hurt people I don’t mean to hurt. and sometimes, I know I should do something but don’t....
August 2009
2 posts
“Never regret thy fall,
O Icarus of the fearless flight
For the greatest...”
– Oscar Wilde
May 2009
1 post
goodnight, moon.